(Picture this a six-year-old girl and her mother in a kitchen. The six-year-old told her mother there's a Santa. Now who would crush a six-year-old's dreams! Isn't she young enough to believe! Its not like she's 50! Anyway carry on reading my brilliant, terrific, totally horrifying, and a little bit disturbing Christmas Eve.)*****
"Carroll, what are you doing?," said mom.
"Making cookies for Santa!"
"Sweetie I told you there is no such thing as Santa."
(Do you not see how disturbed that is I mean come on I'm only six!)
"Yes there is mom! I mean not everyone rushes to the store. Some families don't have the money."
"Exactly... and those kids don't have Christmas."
"Yes they do!"
"Don't raise your voice lady. I'm trying to have a nice Christmas Eve, see even right now I'm not raising my voice."
"Fine."
"Thank you, now what is that stuff next to your cookies?"
"Carrots for the reindeer."
"If you insist on Santa then answer this one question: How will the reindeer eat those carrots if they're up on the roof?"
"Well Santa obviously has a little container to hold the carrots 'til he gets on the roof. But if you don't believe me just give me a..."
Watch this she is going to totally cut off my sentence just because she knows what I'm saying.
"No you're not getting a ladder. Now go upstairs and get ready for the Christmas party."
(Okay secretly I was jumping off the walls to pick out a Christmas outfit. My aunt had just gotten me a whole bunch of red, green, and gold clothes.)
"Alright."
"Thank you."
( So of course I run upstairs as slow as possible trying to act uninterested. You really know I was insane! Now I pick out the cutest clothes a six-year-old named Carroll can pick out. An average-hint hint totally cute-gold tank to go over a 3/4 cut red top with a green mini skirt and red leggings with gold shoes. Then-warning if you were there this would be mortifyingly horrible, especially if you're six-I hear this huge scream from my 15-year old-sis. You may carry on reading)
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"What's wrong?!?," says my mom.
"There's, there's a, a f, fire!!!!!"
"Carroll come down right now and go straight out the door!"
"Wa"
"JUST DO IT!"
(See she just totally cut me off! Well maybe that time was urgent, but still!)
"Mommy my cookies!"
"You forgot to take them out! Forget it, Susanna take your sister outside right
now!"
(Just then Suza-what I called her when I was six- rushed me outside with tears)
"Is mommy g,gonna be okay?"
"It's okay Care Bear she'll be fine. Don't cry okay it's not your fault I let you bake the cookies I should have watched you you're only six."
"I killed mommy!"
"Oh, Care Bear!"
(Just then I heard a whoosh-like a fire extinguisher makes-then mommy came out with my shriveled cookies that had white stuff on them)
" Do we call the fire thingy?," I asked my mom.
"Well the fire's out and they should have a good Christmas. C'mon we're all dressed and look 1 cookie made it out unburnt."
"It's a heart!"
"See isn't that comforting Care Bear?"
"Yessssssssss, it is"
"So who's up for not telling anyone?"
"Us!," Me and my sister said together.
"Hahahahahahahaha!"
"Well let's get in the before Mrs. Jenkinson get suspicious. Deal?"
"Deal!"
"Deal Susanna?"
"Huh?"
"I'll take that as a yes and the boy across the street is two years younger
then you."
"Ewww!"
(See my sister was in love with the boy next door. She thought he was the cutest. Of course if your sis is totally in love with a boy you become really good friends with him just to call her over and make her get all squeamish. That's just what I didbecause he just thought I was the cute little toddler looking child next door.)
"And he has a girlfriend that is like 5 times prettier that you!"
"Whatever Sheryll."
"It's Carroll!"
"Same good ol' times," said my mom.
(So of course we drove to my dad's sister's place for Christmas-who is totally less interesting than my mother's sister-in-law, the one who got me the clothes-where her totally annoying 7-year- old never stops bugging me and my sister! She screamed at him so many times and I punched him in the arm so many times that in 5 minutes he went crying up to room when gram and Phillip-granpa-said hi. His mom tried to say he had the jitters for Santa but we all knew he was just a pain in the butt who wantedattention and the chance for me and my sister to get screamed at. Oh, sorry back to the story!)
" Hi! Minnie!,' said my mom, with the fakest smile on her face.
"Carrie!," said aunt Minnie obviously knowing my mothers name was Karen.
"Where's Paul?," said my mom asking for her husband.
"Oh, you mean Paula, I've been teasing him all night. He's in the dining room!" said my aunt trying to be cool.
"So you're kissing you sister's a** again," said my mom obviously mad about having to go to my aunt's.
"Listen she can hear and she's just trying to be nice I mean she didn't have to
invite us," said my dad pissed off at my mom's attitude.
" Listen we could have went to my mother's she invited us too and the kids think their others cousins aren't pains a in the a**," said my mother feeling insulted because my dad acted like we were so desperate to go to her house.
" Look it isn't fair that just because you don't like her me and the kids have to suffer.," said my dad standing up for his sister.
"Paul she treats you like s***!," said my mother.
( At that time it got kind of serious and we knew it wouldn't end so we pretty much left the room. Then we heard a crash and we knew it was time to go. Before that day we never heard our mom curse, something must have really bugged her. Anyway we were right and dad ended up having to go to my mom's mother's so here's the car argument.)
" You didn't have to curse like that."
" Well Paul you brought that upon yourself."
" How?"
" No one likes her or her son."
" Oh yeah that's probably because you make it like that. You're setting a bad influence for the kids. You know you said more curses in that room than Andrew Dice Clay has in his whole career!"
" Who is that?!?"
" A comedian!"
" Does anyone know him besides you?"
" Yes he's obviously famous!''
" Sure."
" Just pay attention to the road."
( So about then I realized it was time for my afternoon nap, but I 'm pretty sure my mom slipped a few curses while I was sleeping. So since I sleep forever let's just skip to my granmam's house.)
" Sweetie wake up," I heard my mom say softly.
" Yeah it's time to go in we're here."
" Maybe you should just carry her?"
" Yeah I guess you're right."
( I figured while was asleep making parents had a moment of silence then decided to talk it over. I'm guessing then they pulled over and started macking. Now here we are.)
" Hi mom"
" Hey sweetie. What's wrong you're not usually late? And where's Paul?"
" Oh you know traffic and Paul's outside trying to carry Carroll in."
" Oh that Paul, well your sister's on the balcony necking your brother-in-law if you know what I mean."
" Come on they got married 2 years before Susanna was born, the excitement
wears off."
" Oh no, she just got remarried a month ago. And she's pregnant!"
" No.. what happened to Lenardoni? He was the only boyfriend dad ever liked."
" Like you said the excitement wears off... and you know how active your sister is. Beside you're father only liked him because he thought you're sister should be more conservative."
" Well where's Jule's and his wife I haven't seen him in forever."
"Oh, there in the living room cheering to the football game. You know how much his wife loves football."
" That's funny because Jule's hates football, he was always the nerd."
" Well where's Susanna?"
" Oh, you know her she's probably off mingling somewhere. Where you better go get her. The boy that lives across the street is here."
" Oh no, I told her how he was younger."
" I found out that he's not younger he's just in a lower grade. He got held back three times and I found out he just broke up with his girlfriend."
" Why does she always go for the bad ones? And I bet he didn't really break up with his girlfriend. Some people just want a plate and a side."
" Now sweetie let's just chill okay.'
" No boy gets held back three times without having a reason. That's all I'm gonna say."
" That's all you should say."
" Well I really better go get her."
( Guess what, my dad ran into him trying to make a move! How gross! But it was still funny to see dad leave the party to bring her to a babysitter. Ha ha! Well nothing really interesting happened until dinner when this happened.)
" Why did you fling your carrots at me?!," I said to my 10 year old cousin Taylor.
" I did not!," he replied.
" Oh yeah just like I didn't just fling a piece of broccoli at you!"
" Gross my mouth was open!"
( So after that he flinged mashies at me and missed, then landed on aunt Temira's new husband and we all know how she gets about her men. So my mom and dad rushed me and home. Then..)
" What happened to this kitchen Karen?"
( To be continued.......)
*****( Carroll's words of what you would miss without her.)
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